I started working exactly a year ago today

 Today is May 17th! It is a public holiday in Singapore, Vesak Day. Well, today is also the day where i started working after completing my studies a year ago. A welcomed coincidence isn't it?

Generally i find myself love to work in marine environment. It offers some kind of thrill out of the routine boredom from time to time. What kind of thrill am i talking about? It is the thrill of unforeseen circumstances.

Myself about a year ago!

You know in construction line, schedule is of utmost importance. Basically a major determinant of whether a construction firm going to grasp a profit from a particular project. And for most of the construction projects on land, in my opinion, are quite predictable. However, it is not so in the marine construction.

Why do i said so? One of the factors that influence schedule are tidal change. The level of permanent structure is not going to change regardless of the tide. Therefore sometimes, for a particular work, there is only 3 to 4 workable hours in a day as the seawater level rises or falls. Hence, planning is an everyday job because tide levels are different in each and every hour everyday. Of course there are works that do not depend on tide levels, this is where the other hours in a day are used for.

Piling Barge

My company specializes in marine foundation works. Our works are highly dependent on machineries, as most of the machineries are huge. To name a few, piling barge, crane barge, material barge, jack-up barge, drilling machine, anchor boat et cetera. When there are so many plants and machineries around, breakdown of machineries is inevitable. This is the second factor that influence the schedule, in fact, a lot.

Many construction companies overlooked the importance of workers, thinking they could be replaced with another one anytime, causing their welfare poorly taken care of.  Perhaps it is because they are afford to lose their workers, but it is not so in my company, workers are rather important. Due to the fact that we got so many kinds of machinery, we need operators/workers to operate them. Project managers or engineers are not going to operate them, hence workers and their respective supervisors know best. They are in fact real skillful personnel, an important assets to the company. Some of the operators and supervisors actually earning a salary higher than engineers, and maybe project manager too.

DTH Hammer

Tackling the unforeseen circumstances, analyses the problems, thinking of a solution, planning the works, are everyday chores. I was very helpless at first, but now i started to get the hang of it. Under the guidance of my manager and fellow colleagues, operators and even workers. I am feeling quite good doing my job everyday. 

914.4mm OD Steel Pipe Piles with length from 32m to 45m

In my company, everyone has different expertise to offer, and i try to learn from everyone of them. I looking forward to gain an all round knowledge, and become a complete, highly capable personnel for the company. In return, hopefully, fulfilled my ambition and satisfaction in life by gaining a highly rewarding career.

Myself being melodramatic

We all used to be a student. We have friends around us that we usually hangout together with. Whenever you feel bored or something you can instantly grab your phone and send a text message or just call them out for something.

As time goes by, we grow older and we graduated and started working. We have less time for each other because we need to cope with the work stress and physical tiredness resulted from our job. Perhaps we could see each other during the weekends, if we feel like wanted to.

And then another stage come in, now is the time to settle down, it is almost time to start a family. At this moment you will meet your friends less and less. Most of the time you will be hanging out with your another half, life partner. When both of your partner and you also working, it is only logical to spend time together during weekends.

How about friends? Yeah we still hangout some time, just not as often, way less often. Can't help but feel pathetic having to write this post. Feelings struck when i tried to get some friends for lunch and i couldn't find any. Sorry about that.

p/s: i will still going out to meet a friend later in the evening. The situation is not as bad as you think but, i just wanted to depict the feelings i have right now.

Stress out

You know some time i do think my PM treat me not bad. But somehow or rather i easily feel annoyed by whatever he asked me to do. 

I mean for a boss to ask his man to work, give him a task, is perfectly normal. Sometimes we even heard about some unreasonable boss giving unreasonable workload plus bad treatment. Well, i don't really get this kind of treatment but i wonder why i got so fed up with everything he did. Even though it is just a very small issue.

I practically not afraid of him. Maybe don't have respect either. I don't know.

I threw my anger to him today, electronically. I mean, using email. Think i shouldn't have done that but i just can't resist myself.

Perhaps it is because no matter what kind of situations we are in, we still manage to find some bad stuff in it and complain. Just like in Singapore while everything looks pretty good already but you will still find lots of people complaining about stuffs, although it is much better than Malaysia already.

Perhaps we just won't get enough of everything we have had. We always want to be better, and in one way it make us suffer.

What is my problem?

I think most probably people who read my blog posts will probably realized that most of my posts revolves around my thoughts. Thoughts that are few could be able to understand, i guess.

At first i thought it is because i think too much, but after recently i thought to myself perhaps the problem could be also addressed as "obsessive". I realized i do obsess with a lot of things.

So is it being obsessive a problem? It sounds like it does. However, if you look at it positively, one could also say it is "passion", isn't it? When i obsess with playing drum i become good at it. But when it comes to relationships, i think obsessive could only lead to the bad side, negative. 

It is simple and make sense. Who likes to be obsessed by somebody else? It sounds like a stalker or a sex maniac. "Mutual" is the word for relationships. Okay now the problem is, how to control my "passion" for it? How to make it "mutual", so to speak?

"Actually i do like you but not very intensely." Like that? Or act like i don't really care when i really do? Is that the way? With all these being said, am i really have to learn to distract my thoughts with other stuffs? When all i really want to do is to think about her? How could i ended up driven her away? I do feel when i don't care as much, my feelings for relationships around me is better. When i really care about it, i will feel i have not done enough, and i will put myself in a difficult situation, making myself feel bad when things did not happen the way i wanted it to be.

Now don't ask or try to guess who is the "her". There's is no specific her because the scenario mentioned above does not happened for one time only. I don't know whether this is the true problem or not, but yet i got no better explanation to all that have happened. Perhaps you could give me an answer for that matter.

Perhaps the moment when i am thinking and blogging about this, it is already a problem itself, because usually ordinary man would not have such a thinking in the first place. They are steady and cool with almost everything, exaggeratedly.

Is that a problem? What is my problem?

Work

Just a few months ago i was complaining on how my working life sucks. Anyway, things get better now. 

I have not working for more than 5 Sundays consecutively.

I have not staying back until 10pm for more than 4 weeks.

My colleagues started to take leaves. From leaves that last for few days to 3 months. Even my PM is taking a week leave.

Company revised staffs' salary and i was one of them. It is pretty handsome too.

I think maybe the previous complaints of mine are heard. Perhaps this is just temporary but i really hope it is not. Once in a while if required to work until 10pm or mid night if there's casting that is alright. But please don't make me stay because i need to standby for don't know what the hell unexpected circumstances or situation that most probably wouldn't happen.