Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What is my problem?

I think most probably people who read my blog posts will probably realized that most of my posts revolves around my thoughts. Thoughts that are few could be able to understand, i guess.

At first i thought it is because i think too much, but after recently i thought to myself perhaps the problem could be also addressed as "obsessive". I realized i do obsess with a lot of things.

So is it being obsessive a problem? It sounds like it does. However, if you look at it positively, one could also say it is "passion", isn't it? When i obsess with playing drum i become good at it. But when it comes to relationships, i think obsessive could only lead to the bad side, negative. 

It is simple and make sense. Who likes to be obsessed by somebody else? It sounds like a stalker or a sex maniac. "Mutual" is the word for relationships. Okay now the problem is, how to control my "passion" for it? How to make it "mutual", so to speak?

"Actually i do like you but not very intensely." Like that? Or act like i don't really care when i really do? Is that the way? With all these being said, am i really have to learn to distract my thoughts with other stuffs? When all i really want to do is to think about her? How could i ended up driven her away? I do feel when i don't care as much, my feelings for relationships around me is better. When i really care about it, i will feel i have not done enough, and i will put myself in a difficult situation, making myself feel bad when things did not happen the way i wanted it to be.

Now don't ask or try to guess who is the "her". There's is no specific her because the scenario mentioned above does not happened for one time only. I don't know whether this is the true problem or not, but yet i got no better explanation to all that have happened. Perhaps you could give me an answer for that matter.

Perhaps the moment when i am thinking and blogging about this, it is already a problem itself, because usually ordinary man would not have such a thinking in the first place. They are steady and cool with almost everything, exaggeratedly.

Is that a problem? What is my problem?