Stress out

You know some time i do think my PM treat me not bad. But somehow or rather i easily feel annoyed by whatever he asked me to do. 

I mean for a boss to ask his man to work, give him a task, is perfectly normal. Sometimes we even heard about some unreasonable boss giving unreasonable workload plus bad treatment. Well, i don't really get this kind of treatment but i wonder why i got so fed up with everything he did. Even though it is just a very small issue.

I practically not afraid of him. Maybe don't have respect either. I don't know.

I threw my anger to him today, electronically. I mean, using email. Think i shouldn't have done that but i just can't resist myself.

Perhaps it is because no matter what kind of situations we are in, we still manage to find some bad stuff in it and complain. Just like in Singapore while everything looks pretty good already but you will still find lots of people complaining about stuffs, although it is much better than Malaysia already.

Perhaps we just won't get enough of everything we have had. We always want to be better, and in one way it make us suffer.

What is my problem?

I think most probably people who read my blog posts will probably realized that most of my posts revolves around my thoughts. Thoughts that are few could be able to understand, i guess.

At first i thought it is because i think too much, but after recently i thought to myself perhaps the problem could be also addressed as "obsessive". I realized i do obsess with a lot of things.

So is it being obsessive a problem? It sounds like it does. However, if you look at it positively, one could also say it is "passion", isn't it? When i obsess with playing drum i become good at it. But when it comes to relationships, i think obsessive could only lead to the bad side, negative. 

It is simple and make sense. Who likes to be obsessed by somebody else? It sounds like a stalker or a sex maniac. "Mutual" is the word for relationships. Okay now the problem is, how to control my "passion" for it? How to make it "mutual", so to speak?

"Actually i do like you but not very intensely." Like that? Or act like i don't really care when i really do? Is that the way? With all these being said, am i really have to learn to distract my thoughts with other stuffs? When all i really want to do is to think about her? How could i ended up driven her away? I do feel when i don't care as much, my feelings for relationships around me is better. When i really care about it, i will feel i have not done enough, and i will put myself in a difficult situation, making myself feel bad when things did not happen the way i wanted it to be.

Now don't ask or try to guess who is the "her". There's is no specific her because the scenario mentioned above does not happened for one time only. I don't know whether this is the true problem or not, but yet i got no better explanation to all that have happened. Perhaps you could give me an answer for that matter.

Perhaps the moment when i am thinking and blogging about this, it is already a problem itself, because usually ordinary man would not have such a thinking in the first place. They are steady and cool with almost everything, exaggeratedly.

Is that a problem? What is my problem?

Work

Just a few months ago i was complaining on how my working life sucks. Anyway, things get better now. 

I have not working for more than 5 Sundays consecutively.

I have not staying back until 10pm for more than 4 weeks.

My colleagues started to take leaves. From leaves that last for few days to 3 months. Even my PM is taking a week leave.

Company revised staffs' salary and i was one of them. It is pretty handsome too.

I think maybe the previous complaints of mine are heard. Perhaps this is just temporary but i really hope it is not. Once in a while if required to work until 10pm or mid night if there's casting that is alright. But please don't make me stay because i need to standby for don't know what the hell unexpected circumstances or situation that most probably wouldn't happen.

Good Life

You know in this world no one can take care of your feelings. People don't really care about what they did to others and they don't consider how the other person thinks. 

Alright i know it sound harsh. They may consider but at the end of the day. Their own feelings are the most important things. They will take care of their own feelings even though it includes hurting you.

So you must stand up and protect your own! Why let them ruining your days? We wake up in the morning every single day thinking about life. We want a good one of course. So then we must take care of our own feelings.

If making other feels good and you feel goods too then that's win-win. If you being nice and your are hurt instead. What for being nice?

If hurting them makes you feel good, go ahead and screw them!!

64.97m above sea level

Henderson Waves was where it is. 64.97m is not the highest point, but it is the point where i stopped at. It is not high, so going down is easy. I have stopped looking for the truth and i'm on my way down. The scariness has gone. Apparently it wasn't that important after all.